Propers and Titles: The Interviewer’s Name is Not Bob, Mary or Sue!

People can be very sensitive when it comes to titles. As a new professional, this is one area of etiquette you simply must become familiar with. Calling someone by an inappropriate title or name is your ticket to the “rejection pile” of applicants.

The hard part about addressing those above you is that their preferences vary. While some professionals are adamant about being called Dr. So-and-So or Mr. You-Know-Who, others are fine being addressed by their birth-given Tom, Dick or Harry.

So what is a young college student to do? Read on and take notes!

A little story…

Shh…don’t tell anyone. Even those of us in the professional world make mistakes too! Of course, we don’t ever want our embarrassing learning moments posted on a billboard for all to see. But for the sake of your own learning, let me share a story with you.

I have always been a professional person, even throughout college. I held positions on campus that required me to interact with important people quite frequently. I learned early on which fork to use, how to shake hands, and how to hold polite small-talk. Even after all that, I still managed to make a mistake.

You see, I was an English major. It was a major characterized by casual behavior- from discussion-based courses to calling professors by their first names. During my undergraduate experience, that laid-back, intellectual environment was all I had ever known.

When I began graduate school, the Leadership course I wanted to get into was closed. I was advised by a coworker, who happened to be an alumnus of the program, to email the professor and get permission to enroll in the class. I had done this before as an undergraduate student, so I began to compose the email.

I stared at the first line for a moment, questioning what to type as a greeting. I wasn’t sure if the professor had a Ph.D. or not because she was an adjunct faculty member whose full-time work was in the community with a nonprofit organization. I finally looked at my coworker and asked “How should I address her?”

He replied, “Oh, she’s really laid-back. I would just address her as (her first name)”

And so I did. I later received a response telling me that she was sorry, but that all the seats in the class were full. I didn’t think anything of her response and thanked her.

Months later, that same professor was teaching a lesson on professionalism when a discussion about titles arose. She told the class a story about a student who had neglected to address her as Dr. So-and-So, and had not been permitted to take one of the empty seat in the class as a result.

My friends happened to be in that class, and recognized the story right away. When they told me the next morning, I was devastated.

I had never meant to offend the professor, but I had. And I felt awful for it.

The lesson learned…

I wrote the professor yet another email, explaining that I had a feeling I was the student who was brought up in class. I apologized, telling her how embarrassed I was and how I couldn’t believe I had done such a thing after knowing as much as I did about professionalism.

Her response was completely unexpected. She praised me for having the dignity to admit my mistake, and invited me to take the class with her the following year.

Even though the situation was resolved in a positive way, I learned a valuable lesson about respect. Although my coworker had reassured me that calling her by her first name would be acceptable, I should have played it on the safe side.

Now, as I said before- professionals only share these stories to educate others! So learn from my mistake, and follow the tips listed below to help you navigate these sticky situations.

Guidelines and advice about titles: 

• Realize what titles represent: If you do interact with someone who is sensitive about how he or she is addressed, think about why. Most people with titles have earned them through a great deal of hard work and dedication. Neglecting to acknowledge a person’s title is like intentionally ignoring his or her accomplishments.
  
• Use the two-time rule: Some people prefer to be called by their first names, despite their titles. In this case, play it on the safe side first:

1. Address the person the first time using his or her propers.

2. If the person then says “No, please, call me (first name)”, still use the propers one more time.

3. After he or she tells you the second time to use the first name, then you may begin to address them in the preferred manner.

This may seem ridiculous, but remember, it is best to be overly professional than to offend.

• Research the person before meeting: Most executive or professionals are listed on a company website or directory with their credentials and title. Prepare yourself by doing a little research about the person before the interview or meeting. Try to determine if the person has reached a high level of education (Ph.D or doctoral degree) or if the person is a CEO, President or Vice-President
  
• Always use “Ms.” in professional settings: Don’t bother pondering between Mrs. and Miss. Regardless of marital status, Ms. is used for all females in the professional world.
  
• When in doubt, use Mister: If you cannot determine whether or not a person should be referred to as “Doctor”, use Mr. instead. This will offend very few people, and the person will let you know then if he prefers to be addressed as “Doctor”.
  
• Yes, even the young ones! At times, you may be interviewed by someone who is close to your age. In this case, it may be tempting to call the person by their first name. However, in an interview situation, that person is still your superior, so follow all the rules!