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How to be a good career parent: Encouraging Independence
by Patrick Kelly - ClevelandIntern.net
As a parent it is easy to want to make decisions for your child. However adolescents, as they embark on their college career, experience “parent fatigue,” and want a break from their parents making choices for them. At that age, parent interest in their child’s life is viewed as intrusive and annoying by kids.
Sue Shellenbarger of the Wall Street Journal writes: “Some young adults will resent parental hovering. An online poll of 400 students and young adults last year, by Experience Inc., a Boston career-services firm, found 25 percent said their parents were ‘overly involved to the point that their involvement was either annoying or embarrassing.’”
Throughout the early stages of college life a rapid amount of maturing occurs. You will find your teenager actually seeking your advice rather than ignoring it. This is a great opportunity to help your child as they prepare for professional life.
When discussing career planning with your child you have the benefit of a lifetime of experience to fall back on. Pertinent discussion items involve:
Work experience during college
Summer employment- for a paycheck, or career minded?
Internship opportunities- did you have an internship?
Networks built- you can help them start their own network
What you wish you had done- “trade secrets”
What you wish you hadn’t done.
Assembling this type of anecdotal data for your child gives them something to strive for and a guideline for success.
Another way of assisting your child is to help research their field of interest. A quick internet search can turn up different information on a professional field such as available internships, salaries, etc.
It is important to be willing to assist, but also willing to step back. Bear in mind that this is your child’s task and that while assisting them is proactive, dominating the process is detrimental to their ability to create their own identity, and is viewed as intrusive, bringing about the “parent fatigue.”
Shellenbarger continues: “Strong parent-child relationships can be a lifelong asset, of course. But there's evidence young adults don't always appreciate all the hovering. And parents who cross the line between mentoring and meddling risk hampering young adults' ability to develop self-reliance.”
Helpful ways to assist include: be encouraging, explain options, point out internship openings, and help compile data BUT allow the child to process data and make their own decisions.
Being there for your child, but only for the assist, is a great way to both help your child in their career planning, and allow them to do it themselves. This allows for essential maturing and development of professional skills, but with the perspective of a seasoned veteran.
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